My meditation practice became more consistent the more my sensitivity to everything around life became sharpened to the point it became excessive.
All that time I was learning to be aware, until I ended up being fully sensitive and I personally felt unhealthy. I felt deeply, anything that was good or bad in life! I was in a constant extreme of feelings. When I used to be happy, I would feel it extremely and the would happen when I used to feel bad. Sounds like being bipolar?
Maybe, but it wasn’t the case, since it didn’t used to happen before. It was only during the accession of my meditation practice that this came to be, only when I began to pursue becoming more aware.
My sensitivity was not only external, but internal as well. It allowed me to discover a blockage within me – may it be jealousy, envy, possessiveness, etc. I would feel the blockage fully and it used to cause me destructive feelings.
The more I became aware the more I was unfolding my eyes towards what truly is happening in the world around me. The cruelties of life from money, power, greed and lust came rushing into my front door of consciousness in full blown volumes of waves. In a state like that when it comes unannounced and felt fully, one can truly grow mad.
But then there is other spectrum that life offers the beauty and grace of the natural world. Extremely beautiful and amazing. The light that can be emitted from the compassion, kindness and love is immense and everyone wants it!!!
Naturally as many would have approached this experience I am having, I became addicted to the good and always used to aim to push the bad away. This was naive and I was stubborn to admit it! It took repetitive lectures from my gurus that I was heading in the wrong way. Somehow life had to force me to a situation that made me learn that this automatic respond to my sensitivity was wrong. When that situation in my life did happen, I saw what I was doing and I could only rise from the humiliation through humility. Start from scratch and learn from it.
The beginning was only settling in and the journey internally had more in stored for me.
A few years passed, though it was slow and confusing I gently learnt to be sensitive and see everything as it is without judgement and if it was stirring emotions inside me it would mean it is the best time to be even more observant. Because emotions can drive one insane or respond foolishly but its there and it needs to be accepted or atleast understood.
When I became more wise upon sensitivity the next stage of my spiritual path was slowly driving me towards the next level of awareness and that is solemnly learning to be detached from life itself.
In February 2018, is when I could declare that I have experienced full sensitivity and detachment at the same time. It happened on my flight from Bali to Manila. The moment started by this unfathomable gratitude from the short vacation I just had from Bali. Its what I would call as my first most auspicious trip that ever occurred in my life. It was filled with cultivation of good friendships, beautiful events, warm welcome and most of all a catalyst for greater spiritual evolution.
It was on this flight the whole trip replayed itself and as wonderful as it was, I was blown away from my natural respond to the whole memory replaying itself. I wasn’t wishing that it hadn’t finished, I wasn’t sad about returning to my busy city life, I was simply grateful and done with it.
The whole trip became spectacular because of my keen presentments to everything that happened. I was sensitive to all the good and bad things which happened on the trip without analyzing how it could have been better or have gone worst. I took everything as it was and accepted what had been offered. And from that I let it go in the past like everything else that had happened in my life.
Pure sensitivity comes hand in hand with detachment. Together, its a lethal combination toward a life in celebration of awareness.
Take everything as it is and accept what is offered.